Talking is not equal to communicating – while most would roll their eyes and say this is a cliche, we often make the false assumption the person in front of us understands what we are actually saying.
And I am no exception to that rule…
A big slap on my face came when I realized I fell in the same trap for so long. Not only I couldn’t explain to myself why and how, but I couldn’t even find the words to say out loud what actually bothers me. I knew, as well as I knew what I want and how to fix it… but my actions, behavior and the words I used, when read again, said something else!
I thought I am able to clearly state what I want, what I need, how I feel and why I react/behave in a certain way. Instead, I gave hints and expected people around me to understand it. And it clearly didn’t work. In fact, this went so far that I (almost) lost important people in my life because I assumed they don’t care, while they just didn’t know how their actions affected me and what I actually want.
How do we fix that?
We talk. But we don’t just say words. We stop and double check that they understood the message. If they didn’t, we rephrase it.
We listen. Communication involves two people. A dialogue. Otherwise, it just turns into a monologue.
We don’t talk when we’re angry. While saying something out of anger can make us feel better for a second, those words can cut deeper than we think and leave scars that can’t be healed or easily forgotten.
We wait for the right time. This might be tricky, as patience is definitely not everyone’s virtue (and definitely not mine) but we do have to understand sometimes is just NOT the right time.
Don’t talk. Communicate!
There are never two people that are the same. And Google Translate can’t help us with this one! But if you learn how to express yourself, you’ll be happier! Isn’t that worth the effort?